(#LIES!!! I’d give anything for a cursed Indian burial ground right now. 🙁 And on that chipper note…)
Hiya, Super Friends.
It’s been quite a while since I check in, but there are good reasons for that. Up until two weeks ago, it was because I was super insanely busy working on things that seemed so exciting to me at the time. (I’m building a horror production company with one of my ultimate childhood heroes, I’d started hosting a ghost travel adventure show, and was working my arse off to get prepped for Panthers cheerleading auditions…for real this time!! :), to name but a few.)
But, then, with only a couple days warning, my heart and soul were ripped away from me.
Yes, I’m talking about my baby kitty’s passing. I know a lot of people will think that’s silly and overdramatic (hell, maybe it is), but you’ll have to excuse me for not caring about that right now. I’ve been through A LOT in life (as we all have), but I’ve never been as forlorn as I am right now. Ghostface (Tarantino Robocop III) had been with me every single day of my adult life (aside from when I was traveling) for the past 17 years. She was abandoned by an upstairs neighbor when I had my first apartment in Charleston, and made the move from SC to Seattle (she hated the snow :)), to LA with me.
Most people talk about how sweet their pets were when they pass on, but Ghostface was so much more than that. She was a complete diva (yes, she sang, smartasses ;)) who made sure I was quite aware that she ran our little household. She constantly had me waiting on her hand and foot, and somehow managed to make all of her royal demands quite clear. (“Today you will make me tuna salad with mustard, peasant, after you fetch my favorite My Little Pony doll, and massage my head for precisely 15 minutes…no more, no less. Then you shall stroll me around the block in my baby carriage until I tell you we are done. Understood??”) I can’t even begin to explain all her little quirks to you, but trust me when I tell you she was as unique as they come.
She was an older cat, of course, but she never acted like it. Up until the week she passed away she was as ornery/spritely/curious/demanding as ever. I knew something was wrong when she suddenly got quiet and wanted to be alone a lot, but the (stupid jerk…pardon my French) vet said it was just a kidney infection. He gave me some meds and changed her diet and said she’d be right as rain within a few days. He lied. 🙁
She passed away two weeks ago yesterday, and I’ve had a lot of trouble caring about life ever since. She was ALWAYS with me, and nothing seems the same without her here. 🙁
There have been many events/opportunities that popped up in those couple weeks, but I haven’t been able to work myself up to doing many of them. The very few things I have done were horror related, because right now that’s the only thing bringing me any sort of hope/happiness. (Actually, that’s not completely true…I have gone to a couple comedy shows, too, and God bless those funny folks for managing to make rooms full of people smile despite all that’s happening in the world. Stand up comedy is a highly underrated art form, and one that’s very much needed right now.)
(I was in SUPER grieving mode here- Ghostface’s ashes’ are in the locket I’m wearing- but still managed a chuckle or two…That’s a powerful thing. Thanks for those brief moments of happy, Hollywood Improv peeps. xoxo)
You may have noticed I’ve been pretty quiet on the social medias lately, and that’s because I try not to share anything but the happy side of life with you guys. (It’s soooooooooo easy to bitch about/get lost in all the sad stuff.) I like to remind folks that the world is beautiful and full of possibility, but I never want to be insincere. I haven’t been able to see much beauty in the world lately, and haven’t wanted to burden my friends with my sadness (in real life or online).
Slowly but surely, though, I’m crawling out of this black hole of depression. Instead of looking at things “big picture”-wise, as I used to, I’m just figuring out what I can do on a day to day basis to make the most out of life and its infinite possibilities. Today, for example, I ate a chocolate bar and some delicious chips I’d never tried before, and talked at length about the wonders of He-Man with a homeless stranger. (I only mention homeless to illustrate that no matter what our sitch happens to be, there is ALWAYS something to be happy about/grateful for, no matter how hard it may be to see it at times.) And tonight I will watch some yet-to-be-determined 80s horror flick with my son. Perhaps not the most productive of days, but worth living for and celebrating nonetheless.
Love you all. I’m so sorry to be so sad, and to have ignored so many of the beautiful texts/DMs/emails, etc I’ve received from you about Ghostface. I will start catching up bit by bit; I just can’t think about her too long without crying my eyes out all over again. 🙁
Big hugs (and hope, strength, and love to anyone else down in the dumps right now). xoxoxo